People who simply can't help holding their tongues
It's taken me a while to admit that I suffer from a serious and not frecquently heard about condition... I just can't say spitefull things to people, even when some spite is deserved and rightly employed.
Some people have told me I am rather stupid when it comes to voicing opinions, but I simply can't say exactly what I mean exactly when I want to say it if it invloves hurting the other person's feelings, and that has caused me serious problems in the past.
For instance... a friend very dear to me once complained to me, saying that I "never talk about bad things" and even though I was burning inside to tell her that if I didn't say things it was only to protect her and her feelings, all I could say was "I'm sorry, that's the way that I'm made". Of course, that didn't improve matters one bit...
It all lies in the guilt we feel at making others feel down, at knowing that for any given reason you are ruining someone's day, at knowing that you will bring tears to their eyes.
To me that's just too much. No matter how badly a person has hurt me, I can't bare the thought of being the reason why they start crying. Maybe because I've had more than my share of crying in this life or maybe because I don't like kiwi fruit-like eyes... but my grandmother taught me not to do to others what I don't want done to myself. At the time I was a kid of no more than 6 years old and that really didn't make much sense ((nothing does when you're that age, except for chirstmas and new barbies)) but now I can see the wisdom behind her words.
But there is something missing to it... sometimes people need to be told when they are making a mistake, and that is not being cruel, but a lesson to learn. Recognizing your mistakes and having the courage to deal with them and fixing what needs to be fixed is probably one of the most important things in life. It's what I think what we are here for... to improve ourselves as much as we can, but sometimes we can't see our faults as easily as we spot other's... and there's where a true friend should come in.
Sadly for me, it's all theory but no work... I still have that guilty feeling inside everytime I bite my tongue before saying things, and I'm starting to believe I won't be able to sort this out. I can only hope for a true friend to come to me and help me see my flaws.
Song of the day: I Will Follow You Into The Dark by Death Cab For Cutie
Some people have told me I am rather stupid when it comes to voicing opinions, but I simply can't say exactly what I mean exactly when I want to say it if it invloves hurting the other person's feelings, and that has caused me serious problems in the past.
For instance... a friend very dear to me once complained to me, saying that I "never talk about bad things" and even though I was burning inside to tell her that if I didn't say things it was only to protect her and her feelings, all I could say was "I'm sorry, that's the way that I'm made". Of course, that didn't improve matters one bit...
It all lies in the guilt we feel at making others feel down, at knowing that for any given reason you are ruining someone's day, at knowing that you will bring tears to their eyes.
To me that's just too much. No matter how badly a person has hurt me, I can't bare the thought of being the reason why they start crying. Maybe because I've had more than my share of crying in this life or maybe because I don't like kiwi fruit-like eyes... but my grandmother taught me not to do to others what I don't want done to myself. At the time I was a kid of no more than 6 years old and that really didn't make much sense ((nothing does when you're that age, except for chirstmas and new barbies)) but now I can see the wisdom behind her words.
But there is something missing to it... sometimes people need to be told when they are making a mistake, and that is not being cruel, but a lesson to learn. Recognizing your mistakes and having the courage to deal with them and fixing what needs to be fixed is probably one of the most important things in life. It's what I think what we are here for... to improve ourselves as much as we can, but sometimes we can't see our faults as easily as we spot other's... and there's where a true friend should come in.
Sadly for me, it's all theory but no work... I still have that guilty feeling inside everytime I bite my tongue before saying things, and I'm starting to believe I won't be able to sort this out. I can only hope for a true friend to come to me and help me see my flaws.
Song of the day: I Will Follow You Into The Dark by Death Cab For Cutie
posted by Miss Halfway @ 9:05 PM
5 comments
5 Comments:
At April 10, 2007 at 12:08 AM,
Anonymous said…
lady! muy lindo lo q escribis. q me queda por decir?? si sirvo d algo, aca estare para escucharte si queres. dicen q para eso soy bueno :)
le quedaron muy lindos los links, gracias x incluirme ^^
y esa cancion es hermosa, esa letra, me mata. una de las canciones mas tristes q he escuchado, y aun asi sigue siendo re linda!
At April 10, 2007 at 12:15 AM,
ckjolly said…
i think you and i are a bit alike in this. i will often keep from telling someone that they have hurt me or disappointed me ... perhaps it's because, like you, i hate to bring them grief ... or maybe i avoid confrontation at all cost ... or maybe it's my pride.
but in the past year i have not confronted people for another reason. whenever i am hurt or disappointed, instead of focusing on the wrong that has been done to me, i have learned to pray.
eh .. this isn't some sort of "Dear God, please help me not to be angry and please forgive him" prayer.
it's much more than that.
i am afraid of my anger. afraid of its ugliness. it is only with God's help that i can turn my eyes away from my anger at another person and look at my own filthiness. No, it's not that i am self-depricating ... it's more being realistic. How dare I judge someone when I myself have done more than my share of wrong!
It is only when I am fully aware of my own wrong doing and have, through God's help, changed that I can help others see their wrong and change, as well. Otherwise, I fear my reaction to my hurt may do just as much hurt (or more) than was done to me.
the answer is DEFINITELY not to think that all that you need is more self-confidence. We all know that the self-esteem movement has done little but create a generation of self-righteous egomaniacs.
No. I think humility is the answer, here.
Ha ha ... talk about remembering Sunday School ... Remember this?
Matthew 7:1-5
i like your grandmother.
At April 10, 2007 at 4:19 AM,
khaled said…
iam sorry my english is too bad
so i couldnot under stand
but i seem it human posts
At April 10, 2007 at 11:00 AM,
Kathleen said…
I think it's possible to tell someone the negative in a sensitive way, but there has to be understanding on both sides. I also dislike confrontation, maybe because I'm over sensitive. I have always thought that I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but that there was no one who minced words with me...maybe I really AM oversensitive...
...and then there's my daughter who says that I really do say what I think and that I have little to no tact. And tells her friends that if they want to hear the truth about themselves, to come talk to her mother (that would be ME). So Hmmmm...
At April 11, 2007 at 1:08 AM,
Sweettooth said…
it's ok to be nice...it's better to be a nice person than nasty one coz it's difficult to find nice people nowadays. just don't let others take advantage of your niceties :)
Post a Comment
<< Home